Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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