I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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