Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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