Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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