I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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