I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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