Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
