white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
