yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
