I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
