I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
