yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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