margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He kissed a someone with a penis
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
But break dance skills will only take you so far
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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