cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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