i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
