For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize