i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
