when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
