omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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