is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
