Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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