Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
