You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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