i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
