You really coming over, don't trick.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
