I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
