Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
