he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
