Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
