belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
