The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
