we have pet lesbian snakes
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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