can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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