I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
