No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
