Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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