I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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