I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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