i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
one might say we're banned from that church
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
