He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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