There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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