VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
