I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
