my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think my vagina is haunted
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
