Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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