We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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