Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize