She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
