i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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