Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
