They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
