If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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