she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she peed on how many people?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize