im drinking this country out of the recession.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
