No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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