i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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