I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
