Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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