they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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