drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize