Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
