bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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