there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
