I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
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