Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
