He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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