She's like a pop up book from hell.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
