Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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