dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
