Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
