3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
