I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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