Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
