I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize