Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
