We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
