I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
