She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just had sex on a roof
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
