So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
