Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
