im holly from the hills drunk
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
