Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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