remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
