meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
