Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
