U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize