the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize