do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize