I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
