It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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