I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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