Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
