never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
