I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
