Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
