I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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