I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
