did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
