Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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