Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
