I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
