please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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