I cannot find my penis.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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