Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
