Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
