Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
