I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
