its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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