Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
