you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
